The Stories They Tell Themselves
They told me it was anxiety. And with those short words, wrote me out of my own life.
They wrote fiction into my medical notes — big little lies that snowballed into an identity, a fabrication that wasn’t me or my reality.
“Anxious. Emotional. Overreacting. All a coincidence.” Yes, they even dismissed my medical history; their notes.
That story passed between them. Whispered in handovers. Etched in records.
I wasn’t a human being, I was words on a page, a story, created by them. The real story – silenced. When, finally, tests revealed the truth that I was right and they were wrong, I was already completely broken — physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically. I’d lost time, health, trust. Nearly my mind.
And still — still — they refused to confront the truth of their failure.
Now they told themselves a new story.
That they had caught it. That they had tried. That if only I weren’t so ‘non-compliant,’ so ‘impossible,’ so full of ‘trust issues,’ they could now help….
But here’s the thing… In what world is it reasonable to expect someone to trust a system that has harmed them so completely — especially when that system claims to heal, to help, and to operate with integrity under a ‘do no harm’ ethos? It’s like trying to encourage a trauma bond. A system that causes you harm, then asks, no expects, you to trust it. This isn’t help, it’s manipulation disguised as care.
But in their version, I am still the villain, the difficult non-compliant, mistaken, irrational anxious patient who doesn’t understand their judgement and reasoning….
They are still the heroes.
And I — the one who lived through it — am written out of my own redemption.
You see, it’s not just the misdiagnosis. Or rather, the guess work masquerading as diagnosis.
It’s not just the harm they create.
It’s the stories they tell themselves to avoid accountability.
The story of the noble doctor. The infallible system. The irrational patient.
These are not just coping mechanisms — they are narrative weapons.
Used to protect status, not patients.
Used to rewrite history with all the skilled precision of a classic narcissist — cloaked in credentials, veiled by hierarchy, delivered in performative empathy and clinical language.
They don’t say, “We ignored you.”
They say, “you didn’t advocate well enough for yourself.”
They don’t say, “We dismissed your pain.”
They say, “Your symptoms were inconsistent.”
They don’t say, “We gaslit you.”
They say, “It was a complex case.”
These aren’t just words.
They are a system of silencing.
A system where image matters more than impact.
Where the performance of care outweighs the reality of harm.
Where being believed is a privilege, not a right.
So, when I speak, I don’t do it for vengeance.
I do it for truth.
Because behind every patient they’ve written off as “anxious,” or “complicated” or any other dismissive or demeaning language they chose to use in their narrative fiction, there is a real story.
A story not documented in their notes.
A story that deserves to be heard — and believed.
Welcome.
I’m Amanda, a former healthcare professional who became a patient, living the horror story that so many of my own patients had once shared with me. Trained in ethnography, a research method focused on the ‘lived experience,’ I recognized what was happening — I realised how powerless I was in an institution that claims to empower patients. The hollow buzz phrases in the horror story.
I documented it. I researched it. And five years later, this blog is not just calling out the issue; it’s sharing what I’ve learned about how institutional betrayal is created, perpetuated, and continues to affect thousands.
I’m here to validate your experience, to hear your stories, and to amplify the truth. Because when we come together, our collective voices have the power to create the change that is so desperately needed. This horror story must end.
You can also follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/whendoctorssilenceus/