You’ve probably heard the term gaslighting — it’s a form of psychological manipulation, intentional or not, where someone makes you question your own perception, memory, or reality. It’s a mind-bending experience, leaving you feeling confused, anxious, and powerless. You may even start to believe something’s wrong with your mind, your memory, or your understanding of the world.
The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, where Gregory manipulates his wife, Paula, by making small changes around the house — like dimming the gaslights — and denying he’s done anything. He makes her believe she’s imagining things, losing her grip on reality. Over time, this constant undermining of her trust in herself and her perception makes her question her sanity. Gregory’s ultimate goal? To convince her she’s mentally ill so he can have her committed and gain access to her money.
This film is a perfect metaphor for how gaslighting works. It’s the steady erosion of your trust in your own mind. When trust is present — in professional relationships or personal ones — the power of the other to undermine that trust is even greater because you trust their authority, their expertise, their care, and their concern.
But here’s the truth — what’s happening between doctors and their patients is more than gaslighting.
Gaslighting is damaging enough on its own, but in the medical system, it’s compounded by a deeply ingrained betrayal of trust. It’s rooted in systemic dismissal, invalidation, and misleading soundbites.
For example, the system talks about patient empowerment, person-centred care, and collaborative decision-making, but for many, the reality is the complete opposite. The experience patients face is entirely at odds with the language being used. These words become hollow rhetoric — tools to silence anyone who dares to challenge the system. When policies or theories are used to dismiss reality, it’s called tokenism: a symbolic gesture of progress, while in practice, no meaningful action is ever taken.
It’s more than just gaslighting. It’s a toxic cocktail of harmful practices — invalidation, disempowerment, neglect, dismissal, abandonment, and the pathologisation of mental health, all while the real issue goes unaddressed. It’s about marginalisation, systemic exclusion, hierarchical misogyny, disrespect, and dehumanisation. And that’s just the beginning.
The medical system creates a vicious cycle where patients aren’t just silenced; they’re stripped of their humanity. Left to navigate a world where their pain and illness are dismissed, they become disbelieved not only by medical professionals but by society at large. Without access to proper support or understanding, they are abandoned at their most vulnerable.
And all of this isn’t just a personal horror story — it’s a harsh reality that physically harms both the body and the mind. For those already suffering from inflammatory disorders (which, in reality, most chronic conditions are), the constant stress of living in pain, feeling powerless, and being trapped in this toxic cycle sends the body into a constant state of fight or flight. This only exacerbates the physical and mental toll — quite literally driving inflammation throughout the body and mind.
Medical dismissal and gaslighting isn’t just a frustrating experience – it ruins lives. The experience of dismissal, invalidation, gaslighting and harmful labels endured from the healthcare system not only harms the mind and body, it ruins lives – jobs, relationships, financial stability – people are robbed of their sense of agency as a result. As one person shared with me…
“it feels like you’re drowning but no one is coming to save you…you keep thinking; I’ll ask for help and then you realise you did, they are the ones you ask for help – then you realise you are utterly helpless..”
This isn’t just about words, or a minor inconvenience, this is about the words that do real harm.
And the system then uses more words to silence a complaint, a policy to dismiss a reality… Clever, practised and tired old lines to validate its behaviour and undermine a challenge wrapped up in justifications about protocols and clinical reasoning… And often with yet more gaslighting ‘we’re so sorry you feel…’
My mission is simple – CHANGE!
If you want to share your story, please email me amanda@doctorswhosilenceus.com I will not share your information with anyone else or ever reveal your identity without permission.
Similarly, if you’re a professional who wishes to support or collaborate with me, please get in touch..
Refs:
Chaudhary, R. et al (2023). Chronic stress predisposes to the aggravation of inflammation in autoimmune diseases with focus on rheumatoid arthritis and psoriasis. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37879231/
Mate, G. (2003) When The Body Says No. Exploring The Stress Disease Connection. Wiley.
Black, P.H., & Garbutt, L.D. (2002). Stress, Inflammation, and Cardiovascular Disease. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 52(1), 1-12. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11801260/